Hobos

Yup! 'Tis true. Some people will take it too far...



Go here to get your own hobo!

Its Madness!

"To me, making a tape is like writing a letter -- there's a lot of erasing and rethinking and starting again... A good compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do. You've got to kick off with a corker, to hold the attention, and then you've got to up it a notch, or cool it a notch, and you can't have white music and black music together, unless the white music sounds like black music, and you can't have two tracks by the same artist side by side, unless you've done the whole thing in pairs, and . . . oh, there are loads of rules." - Rob Gordon, High Fidelity by Nick Hornby

And thus I decided to come up with my ultimate mad mix tape. This compilation of course, may or may not suit your tastes. All I did was pick up just one song by an artist, so everybody gets a chance... Of course you may feel some songs don't deserve to be here, and some are missing, which is criminal. Feel free to comment. Meanwhile, listen to these songs wherever you can get your hands on them. As it is my mix tape, it had to end with bohemian rhapsody...

THE BEATLES a hard day's night
GREEN DAY when i come around
AC/DC TNT
COLDPLAY yellow
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE know your enemy
LIVE i am overcome
STING brand new day
METALLICA enter sandman
NIRVANA smells like teen spirit
DON MCLEAN american pie
PEARL JAM jeremy
JIMI HENDRIX purple haze
KORN blind
CRANBERRIES zombie
MARILYN MANSON the beautiful people
R.E.M. losing my religion
THE SEX PISTOLS anarchy in the UK
SYSTEM OF A DOWN chop suey!
LED ZEPPELIN stairway to heaven
THE ROLLING STONES paint it black
KISS rock 'n' roll all nite
THE SMASHING PUMPKINS tonight, tonight
BARENAKED LADIES one week
GUNS 'N' ROSES welcome to the jungle
VAN HALEN hot for teacher
RADIOHEAD creep
ALANIS MORISSETTE you oughta know
THE EAGLES hotel california
PINK FLOYD the wall
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN red headed woman
NINE INCH NAILS closer
QUEEN bohemian rhapsody

Take me to thine breast, for I am home

Sitting late in my office, I just came up with a brilliant plan. Now, listen to this, patiently... when I am old and am about to die, I am going to try my damndest to get a hard-on, hold my wang in my hand, start grinning like a complete idiot, and wait for Rigor Mortis to set in.

Now think about it... how cool would that be? My sons and their wives and their sons... they'll have a blast explaining to other people how gramps died... 'uh well.. he was just lying there and... uh..'
'But why is he sitting up right?'
'why is he grinning?'
'who else was in the room?'

Oh its beautiful! Of course if I die in an accident, or somebody kills me, this plan would fail... but don't worry, its a long evening, I'll think of something.

The Tao of Foo



I was reading news off the net, and realized there are a lot of sites that still don't support anything outside of IE, and that is a sorry, sorry state of affairs. This is a nice discussion on why IE is doomed, and the exhortations for using alternate browsers like Mozilla and Opera.

As for me I really don't mind IE, but yes, it annoys me with its windowed interface, and the lack of many features which are second nature to good, alternate browsers. I use Opera exclusively, and sometimes turn on my Firebird. Now Firebird is an excellent browser, very fast, and advanced features like tabbed windows. However, many people, including me, have lamented about the woeful support for activex controls in the browser. It is thusly that I draw your attention towards NetCaptor. Its basically a shell for IE (IE needs to be installed in order for it to run), but has some good clean features just like Mozilla Firebird. Its also slightly faster (than Firebird), and unlike Firebird, can handle activex controls like a charm. Also unlike Firebird, its not free. However there's a demo over at the site to give you a taste.


So these people are selling this watch:



The only watch that's also a weapon- it shoots BBs, dried peas, popcorn kernels, lentils and more up to 8 feet accross the room! This stainless steel watch will be the envy of the classroom or the meeting room. Use it to "wake-up" those sleepy headed co-workers and classmates. When they look around to see who's been pelting them with spitballs, you'll just be casually checking the time.

Now you know what to get me for my birthday.

And, oh yes, the ebony Ask Jeeves. I have a feeling this could catch on...

Just testing Blogthis!
Ignore this post....

Involuntary Celibacy

oh, yes!

and this too...

*Laughing real hard, tears down his cheek..
Garibon ki sunoh.. woh tumhaari sunega! Baba! Andhe ko ek rupya dede baba! Bhagwaan tumhari jodi banaye rakhe! Tumhare do do pappu hon!

Ok, now that all that is out of the way, my crap for today. I saw Darna Mana Hai and T3 during the weekend. Though the latter was fun, actually more fun than I thought it would be... Ramu's latest was crap times seven. T3 managed to hold its own without Cameron and the original crew because it didn't take itself too seriously... it was making fun of itself the whole time. Needless to say, that is the kind of smart, cheeky direction that makes movies enjoyable. Speaking of which, head on over here to see the latest by our cheeky director dude.

Another observation for today... women should never, ever, for the love of God, please, never wear purple lipstick. They look hideous.

Sitting here thinking about what to write for my post today I was coming up blank. Now that's very typical of me, the blank thing. But I usually have some sort of complaint that I will bitch about or some bit of news I find interesting and thusly think you must know. But today I just really didn't have anything. So I decided I needed some sort of muse... so of course I loaded up Winamp and scrolled through my big fat list of songs. Only problem the list is alive but the songs are gone... fsckin office policy. Anyhoo, I thought I could hum a song myself, so I scrolled through my list of songs, and picked a little ditty titled "The Mark Has Been Made" by Nine Inch Nails. As my crap-tastic office policy berated me with zero music and no entertainment, I realized that I need to start a revolution, but thats a story for another day. Thing is, I realized just how god damn much I enjoy these nails that are nine inches long. If you are not familiar with Trent Reznor and his genius I trust you will take my advice and get to know his music. Nine Inch Nails is on of the most influential Industrial Rock band, and Trent himself writes and records all of the albums pretty much on his own.

Whats the whole point, you ask? Nothing, I say. You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!

Drums of Heaven


If you had any idea how many times a day I think of writing a blog entry and type up something stupid and then delete it, you'd laugh at me. I laugh at me. Everyone laughs at me. Stop laughing at me.

A lot of times it's just stupid observations like:
Looky! Helvetica versus Arial!
Or that Japanese name thing(previous post). Or this. hee hee. Sorry, was just too funny.

Anyhoo, I wanted to post about this band called Say Hi To Your Mom . Kickass band and all, but thats not why I wanted to talk about it. This people, I don't have to tell you, is the best name for a band. In fact, if there was an award for best name for a band, they'd probably win it. Of course Cream would give them stiff competition.

Speaking of Cream, whatever happened to Jack Bruce? He was a decent singer and all (actually, much more than just decent), but the bass that he played really, really used to knock me over. Only reason I ever listened to the All Starr band. Now I've never been a huge jazz fan, but his guy was remarkable on his bass guitar.

Back to cool name bands, another one that caught my eye was a Japanese rock band called The Elephant Kashimashi. Heh. So yeah, I was saying sometimes I just write stupid things here. But look at the bright side, there aren't as many broken links on my toolbar now.

HAI !!!


From today onwards, all samurai will refer to me by my Japanese name: Samuratsu shiruma.
Go and get your honorable name here!

Gourmet

Lets act pretentious....
Existence. I ponder it most ponderously.
I am like Philosphecles.
Why are we here? Why do we exist? Sometimes I think so hard, I mentally touch myself!
Hmmm... 'Tis a quandary, a conundrum, a real brainfucker.
I am so deep!
Indeed.

Monkey Island
I really, really wanna make monkey/robot movies. A typical buddy movie, only the buddies are a monkey and a bot.
Like, you know how porn movie guys take popular films and remake them into adult pictures like Terms of Inrearment and For Your Thighs Only and E-3: The Extra-Testicle, where they use the plot outline from the original movie to string together a bunch of sex scenes?
Those are the kind of movies I would make, except that instead of sex scenes I would have monkeys and robots playing together, the classic bonding of two different races. Monkeys driving the robots. Robots trying to tame the monkeys, both of them combining forces to fight the evil supercomputer... I know it does not make a lot of sense to you, but its all beautiful in my head. I'll call it Saving Private Ryan's Monkey, or When Hairy the monkey met Celly the robot, or Charlie's Monkey Bots: Digital Bananas or whatever.

And the movies will end like every 70's-era science-fiction movie: somebody blows up the computer by making illogical statements. You can't beat the classics. It's a shame they don't use that any more. Wouldn't it be awesome if that's how the Wachowski brothers ended Matrix Revolutions?

The Source: Your journey ends here, Neo. I am The Source, the self-aware synthetic intelligence that controls the Matrix and all of mankind.

Keanu: Up is down! Black is white! Cats are dogs! I can act!

The Source: D0ES N0T C0MPUTE
*crashes

I'd pay 150 bucks to see that.

Ill - Eagle

Due to some legalities, I would require you to read this End User's License agreement, and click on I agree if you are to continue to read my blog. If you don't do that, bad things will happen to a three eyed boy on western Honolulu. Clicking on I Agree, on the other hand, will return you to this page, and the button will feel nice too. Show your love to the button, click it.

Brush With Disaster


After my reasonably sane explanation of the fly that wouldn't die, I am encouraged to tell you about another mishap in my life. Some mornings ago, I was running a little late, so I tried to hurry my routine a bit. Rushing into the bathroom, I grabbed my toothbrush and began squeezing toothpaste onto it. But apparently, in my hastened and groggy state, I was unknowingly squeezing shaving cream on my brush.

This I discovered when I started brushing my teeth and the foul, burning bitter taste of Dettol shaving cream reached my MY TONGUE! IT BURNS! OH GOD HOW IT BURRRRRNS! THE ALOE VERA ENRICHED FOAM IS BURNING MY TONGUE AND THE RICH LATHERING OILS AND GLYCERINE ARE GENTLY SOFTENING AND MOISTURISING MY TEETH ENAMEL!

I had to brush thrice over with REAL toothpaste to feel any semblance of normalcy in my mouth. Though its still kinda numb and I feel like giving my tongue a close, smooth shave.

Pick your moral:

1. It is very important that all activities you perform before completely waking up be done in exactly the same manner, order, and speed that they are done every morning, or ruination shall surely befall you.
2. There really ought to be a warning on shaving cream that reads "NOT TOOTHPASTE"
3. Fuckin' Hippies.

Happy Birthday!



The Famicom or, as is known outside of Japan, the NES turns 20 today! Join the celebration.



There's also a competition that Nintendo is running to commemorate 20 years of the wildly popular system. But it requires you to buy stuff...

ushinawareta tsubasa wo sagashite...
(in search of lost wings...)

So, yeah long time no shit. I guess I've been preoccupied with feeling sorry for myself. But no more shall I not dishonor the Daijin clan! I will pick my sorry ass up and do something fruitful. Now where's that pr0n.....

I see some people as public service announcements on the dangers of not using condoms.. 'Your unwanted baby could grow up to be this'. You simply have to visit my previous office to see some prime examples. My new place has some too, but the population is not as dense...

So Wired says these are the coolest gadgets released this year. With my financial state being what can only be described as a third world economy, I can only drool. Of course, if everyone gets poorer, I'll be one step closer to being upper middle class.

So Duck and Cover has some concept art rumored to be from Fallout 3. And the fact that the artist who drew them kept them in a folder called fallout, and NMA's photo of Bioware's office walls sporting the same concept art with a nice F3 logo leads me to think this might be more than just a hoax. Bioware. and Fallout 3. This is the exact stuff my wet dreams are made of... of course you gotta throw in some naked chicks. There's always room for some naked chicks.

Now where the HELL is that pr0n...

A Century of Wierdisms

One of the more unusual benefits of having a blog that seems to attract some readers is that when you mention your dismal lack of knowledge about something, you get a lot of very helpful, informative emails that help fill in the gaps in your knowledge. It's sorta like this weird Reverse Google reflex - I toss out the fact that I have no clue about something and a myriad of information laden emails float into my mailbox. I feel sort of guilty, as if I didn't go to the proper amount of effort to learn some of the info I've absorbed in the past few days.

Thanks people, for all the linkies and articles and tips. You guys are the shit.

And AJ, dude you rock. Thanks for all the info, once again.

I leave you with this thought:

“A world in which it is wrong to murder an individual civilian and right to drop a thousand tons of high explosive on a residential area does sometimes make me wonder whether this earth of ours is not a loony bin made use of by some other planet.”

-George Orwell, who would have been a 100 years today...

The saga collapses into a fetal position.

Arun’s been taken to a hospital for examination after a police officer sees him trying to make out with an air hockey machine, slowly mumbling, “Fatality… Fatality…”

The doc asks Arun a few routine questions…

Arun: It’s a fairly common misconception that you can’t make windows out of brick. Most people feel that brick is too soggy. I assure you it is a shoe.

Scientists have discovered that nine out of ten shoes are numb. This brings us to a disturbing question: Does Coffee bleed?

If in fact it does, then one must consider the possibility that all life is but a Giant Cake Mold. But instead of delicious, gooey cake batter, we are filled with… raisins.

Doc: Riiight… Drunk and Disorderly…

Arun: I am so not drunk.

Doc: Then count backwards from ten.

Arun: Q. No… Fuck!

Flies spread diseases so keep yours closed

I'm never at my best at describing things. At school, my report card generally read 'Has little to no ability, but does his best', or words to that effect. True, in the course of years I have picked up a vocabulary of sorts, but I'm not nearly smart enough to draw word-pictures that would do justice to events that deem themselves fit enough to befall me from time to time. I will endeavor to explain one such phenomenon now.

Well let me begin at the beginning. Two nights ago, I was coloring a cartoon at home when a fly started buzzing around my computer. Now normally this wouldn't have bothered me, but this fly kept buzzing by my head like it had something against me. So I rolled up a wad of loose paper near by and when it landed on the wall I hit it. Then I hit it when it fell on the ground again just to make sure. I went back to coloring thinking that was over.

Then about 5 minutes later I hear a buzzing sound, I look down and the fly has come back to life and is flopping around the floor slowly coming back to life. I assumed that I only stunned it even though I knew I hit it pretty hard. So I stepped on it (to put it out of misery) and again went back to coloring.

Then Nature called and I went to the bathroom. When I got back I again heard a buzzing sound and there was a fly buzzing about the room. I looked down and the fly I thought I had killed was gone. Now I thought to myself "This can't be the same fly" but I then I thought, "But that other fly just didn't disappear". So I kind of freaked out and became suspicious of this fly I couldn't seem to kill. I waited and hit the fly again sending it flying against a wall and behind a shelf.

Then last night I come back and there is another fly in the room. Now this is either a long string of coincidences or I've come across some kind of undead or possessed fly.

So not taking any chances I've gone off to find a crucifix. I wonder if anyone knows where I can get some holy water or a blessed flyswatter??? Really, I'm desperate...

Also a nod to Andy for the title...

Weirdisms
So, Puneet finally decided to update. Again, his blog is as wacky as he is, and thats a good thing.

Sushubh's having mood swings... maybe its PMS :P

So for today's weirdisms, someone thinks I should make a movie out of the Saga. I dunno, its too weird for anyone's taste(except mine, heh). Anyways, it isn't finish yet, so who knows...

Some people make matchstick rockets, while some build a post office under water.

Also, a preacher was truck by ightning when he asked for a sign. If thats not a sign, what is? Here.

This place has some photos of London in the night... extremely fanfuckingtastic. And a guy who will emote what you ask him to...strictly for people who appreciate bad humor...Click!

And what do I see here? CNN finds something we knew all along, 'surprising'.

So, yeah this post was kinda like linky and shit. No worries tho, the saga will continue some time later today...

The Saga makes no sense

So Far:
Sam has smashed Aruns PC to build his 'thing'. Arun's been walking around thinking crazy thoughts.

Now:
Puneet sees Sam's new 'thing', and walks over to investigate... he sees a pile of wood and Arun's broken up comp...

Puneet: So... this is your... thing?
Sam: Of course.
Puneet: What does it do?
Sam: You can run it over with your car.
Puneet: But what... you... we don't have a car.
Sam: They're weapons.
Puneet: What?
Sam: Sure! You light them on fire, and then throw them at zombies.

Puneet: This is just a pile of wood.
Sam: With an ashtray.
Puneet: Is that Arun's computer?
Sam: No, its a goddamn ashtray.
Puneet: I've never seen an ashtray with a video card.
Sam: It's some high-tech shit. It can display... wood.
Puneet: So you're saying this pile of wood is a digital projection...coming from your "ashtray"?

Sam: *blink, blink*

Sam: So lets get a car... and then run it over.
Puneet: Last time you stole a car I was SHOT. In the GROIN!
Sam: It's not my fault you were erroneously punished.
Puneet: You POINTED. And said, "Look, HE did it". And I was holding KEYS. They were MY KEYS. I was going to MY APARTMENT. HE SHOT ME IN THE GROIN AND TOOK MY KEYS.
Sam: Its not my fault you're a weakling.

The Saga is kind of underway
Arun's PC has been in an unfortunate accident, and he has gone delirious...
Arunjeet thinks his life over:

Life without my PC...
The only slave to my every command...
Gone.

Oh sure, these 'people' things could be my slaves too. But its not the same. They're fleshy. And have meat and things... on their bones. And they can hit me on the face when they want to.

My PC wouldn't hit me on the face.

There was this arcade machine... we had our fun together.

But it felt wrong.. so wrong. Like peeing on a kitten. Who does that?

Nobody. Nobody does that.

I think I dreamt about having sex with John Carmack.

Shit. No...Shit. I did not just say that.

Somethings never die


For the uninitiated, the entire litany yesterday was a tribute to Force Monkeys, the now closed and defunct web comic, that I absolutely adored. I had gotten quite fond of the artist and the writer over the past year and a half. I intend to run the saga as an episodic wierdity on my blog so far as it continues to be funny.


Look for the saga continuing tomorrow...