Halo 0wnz0rz j00

Merry Christmas everyone! Have a great time... I will too, I promise.

posted by sam | 12/23/2003 08:46:00 PM



Its a foggy, kind of cold day outside. And like I've been saying, bad things happen when winters come. What I didn't tell you was that the absolute worst things happen when it gets foggy. Someone, somewhere has been waiting for the fogs to arrive, to be used as a symbolic reference to perfect timing, and come squish my *ahem* emotions to butternutsquash, thusly reducing me to a mangled, bloody pulp like I'm one of the crazy 88. Lo! the fogs have come, and the scourge of the underworld, the master of all things unpleasant arises! You associate this time with Kris Kringle, I'm sure. My Santa isn't all portly, jolly, and doesn't bring me candy. My Santa has a manic, evil laughter, the kind that goes muhahahahaha everytime the fogs arrive. Help me, God.

All is not bad though, I played more multiplayer Halo yesterday, bunked office, and bought The Code Book. Also heard somewhere that they confirmed Hitman 3. As Anand will testify, as much as the first one was a buggy, obscure disaster, we've been in love with that game since its inception as an idea. We played through BOTH the games, and I, sure as hell am looking forward to the third installment, insinuations of fanboy-ness be damned.

I hope to meet Sushubh and the rest of the gang tomorrow, have a few laffs, a few drinks, and then kick him all the way to Chandigarh. Andy, you listening? Tomorrow be retanking, and PB roaming day. Keep your .NET ass free.

posted by sam | 12/18/2003 10:47:00 PM


friendly neighbourhood trailer

muhahahaha! 2 July 2004! Power to the people! The good doctor cometh.

posted by sam | 12/15/2003 08:28:00 PM



anupma is probably(pleasantly) surprised with the lack of geek/gamer posts I've been doing lately. Never one to disappoint, here goes another:
So this weekend I got in quite an intense round of Halo multiplayer, close to six hours at a stretch actually, playing against 15 of the 1337-est, meanest fraggers around. Of course they don't call me 53r10u554m for nothing... I finished in first in all but two matches, where I finished 3rd and 4th. Not too bad, I haven't rusted all that much. But despite the intense LAN party, I was left wanting a little more. One, because gearbox decided to do away with the co-op mode that really made the X-Box version shine. Frag fests are all fine and dandy, but I am a sucker for co-op matches. I admit I've snuck in a few NOLF co-ops and absolutely loved it. Too, because I've been too used to fast paced UT2003 bouts, and comparatively Halo is a tad slow. Three, the maps. Gearbox snuck in a grand total of 6 PC exclusive mutiplayer maps, which were moslty made with race or CTF modes in mind. Free for all slayer modes, which seemed to be the flavor of the day at the LAN party, get a raw deal when it comes to these maps. You don't know how highly unsatisfying getting a frag after running around the beach side for a good 5 minutes can be.
Don't get me wrong though, I had oodles of fun, and since LAN parties/multiplayer matches in relatively broadbandless India are few and far between, it was bound to be full of raw adrenaline pumping through the air, the very atmosphere of the place was intoxicating. Fun fun fun. I have another 3-4 hours lined up this night, I'll let ya know how it goes.
The stoopid map review: Timberland was nice, I guess. CTF was a blast, but Slayer is wasted on Timberland, what with humongous outdoors of foliage to cross, in order to reach the central lake structure. Death Island was kinda like the Silent Cartographer level, and like anybody who's played that will tell you, its huge! And not to mention utterly stupid for non CTF/KoH modes. Gephyrophobia, I didn't play much, which is sad because though its basically a race mode map, it lends itself to some pretty mean games of free-for-all action. Danger Canyon was very llinear and very fun. Especially satisfying is using the melee attack to push a guy off the cliff. Its a loooong fall. Ice Fields, I absolutely detested, because I finished in my lowest ranking. Heh heh, but personal prejudices aside, this is one mean map for Slayer as well as KoH modes. I have to get in some more practice for this one. Infinity is a very cool map. Its a giant 8, which makes it challenging for CTFs, and very cool for race modes. Also the terrain is varied and very conducive for cheeky Slayer matches. Coolio.

Halo @$$-kick@ge aside, I also found a very nice book store which had some awesome out of print collectors edition comics, and some great new DC novellas. I know, I know, I'm a self-professed Marvel guy, but sometimes you gotta take what you get. So JLA:Riddle of the Beast, a few collectors ed TPBs(Mavel and Image), and some hard leather bound classics for my sis made their way to my room. I also spied a boxed Narnia set(all of them!), and although I restrained myself for a while, I know its gonna be difficult for me to stop myself next weekend. :)

Life update: Having done the right thing still kinda sucks, but I'm down with it, yo! And if anybody in Delhi/Noida/Faridabad wants a Touchtel DSL line, sushubh's got one that he has to let go of. You'll save around 2 grand on the installation bit, and its very broadbandish.

posted by sam | 12/14/2003 11:58:00 PM


Its a turd... its a stool... its poopy man!

Every few hundred millennia, evolution leaps forward....

As much as I'd like to believe Prof. X, lately I seem to be surrounded by people who have NOT evolved in their intelligence beyond the Neanderthal age. And then they breed. Then there are more of them. I hate that. Then they ALL come surround me with their idiocy and try to kill me with brain blunting acts and their sheer disregard to the human evolution. I hate that even more. Time will come when extra terrestrial life forms will come visit us, see these people, and then bye bye earth! We need to obliterate you to create an intergalactic highway, and don't you tell us we didn't tell you, because the notice has been up at the office of....
Let it go, we all know of Arthur Dent's misfortune.

Don't get me wrong though. You see, I'm not saying I'm very bright either, but at least I've been potty trained. Ok, now is the time I warn you about potentially profane, probably gory and definitely dirty things that will follow. The sensitive among you will please stop reading, and go see these beautiful flowers. NOT for women/children/people with heart diseases/easily offended people/family. STOP READING.

Though you really shouldn't be surprised. I'm not very clean and politically correct when talking to most people. In fact, I am the guy who takes interest in things like in-depth classification of boogers, and you know that.

Back to the discussion, WHY can't these people follow simple basic rules of using male urinals in the office? They do things like try to strike conversation with you WHILE they are peeing! Uhhh I am thinking of right now baby, yeaaah! How'd you feel if I took my thing in my hand and start talking to you, turd? That's right, not good! Then there are the ones who'd come stand NEXT TO YOU while you're peeing, and then say things like, 'boring meeting, huh?'. What do you want from me ass? You want me to turn around and face you, so that we can have a nice conversation, all the while soaking you with my pee? I am thinking NO. Then there's buddy who walks up to the pee pee place, does his pee pee, and goes on out WITHOUT WASHING HIS HANDS! That's right, he did not wash his fucking hands. And next time he sees me, he wants to SHAKE HANDS with me! Oh yeah? Well say hello to Mr. Namaste, moon turd.
You see this brick in my hand? It's the brick OF JUSTICE. You see this head of yours? It's the head OF EVIL. You feel this collision, where I smashed your skull in more pieces than Adnan Sami weighs in kilos? This is called EVOLUTION. And yours just stopped. Thanks for soiling the gene pool, fucker, now get OUT!

There, I needed to get that out. Okie, raise hands, all of you who did not heed the warning, read the post and got offended? You know, you should've listened. Thanks for all the fish.

posted by sam | 12/11/2003 04:23:00 AM


Best Fest (bad pun)

Sam's malfunctioning list of the best things in the year 2003(a year that stayed still, and refused to budge)

Best Restaurant: The Big Chill, ND. Runner-Up: The Nizam's Club Mess, Hyd.
Best Big Screen Movie: X-2 Runner-up: Pirates of the Caribbean
Best Pirated Movie: The Two Towers (I just know it.) Runner-up: Kill Bill vol 1
Best Vacation I Missed: The second one to Hyderabad Runner-up: The nth one to Shimla

Best Butt: Minn Runner-up: Preity Zinta
Best Shape: Octagon Runner-up: Ellipse
Best Game: Call of Duty Runner-Up: GTA:Vice City
Best Console Port: Splinter Cell Runner-up: Halo
Best Marriage Hoax: Arunjeet Runner-up: Anshul

Best Browser: Opera Runner-up: Firebird
Best Bruise: Thyla Runner-up: Moi
Best Port: USB Runner-up: PS2
Best Camcorder movie: Communication Gap Runner-Up: Gamasutra

Best Kathi Rolls: Nizam's, CP, ND Runner-up: Sawhney's, JP, ND
Best Intestine: Small Runner-up: Large
Best Place To Buy Books: Daryaganj Runner-up: CP
Best Letter box: D1 Janak Puri Crossing Runner-up: DESU colony
Best Imaginary Hepatitis: Q Runner-up: Z

Best Name for a Band: Say Hi To Your Mom Runner-up: The Elephant Kashimashi
Best Book: Vernon God Little Runner-up: Masters of Doom
Best Place to Get a wicked Tattoo: Nathaniel's, Palika Runner-up: Bubblegum
Best Homicidal Maniac: Nny Runner-up: Squee
Best Samrat Sharma: The geek who lives in ND and writes this stupid blog. Runner-up: The First Class Cricketer from Punjab

posted by sam | 12/07/2003 10:33:00 PM


Kill Jim

I adore spam. No really, I do. The fine people behind the lovely colorful emails you get in the morning are just good samaritans trying to bring some things to your attention. And they work exceedingly hard at it. The fact that you're a man, and would look ridiculous with 'BIGGER BREASTS! HUGE BREASTS IN 30 DAYS!' makes no nevermind to them.

Come to think of it, we are just tied down with what we have been taught as 'right' and 'wrong'. Break the shackles people, and open your mind. See the naked, raw truth thats staring you in the face with an ice cold look that can come only with being naked. Maybe mustachioed, burly men SHOULD have bigger breasts. Look at Hulk Hogan, he seems to have taken their advice. Maybe pretty girl next door will become more popular among the LADIES when she sports her SUPER ENLARGED penis. Maybe 5'4" guys weighing 53 kilos NEED to lose weight too. Maybe everybody should have FORTY ONE credit cards. And a hojillion house loans. Have you ever opened your mind to that? Did you even think how much you miss that SUPER DISCOUNT on dog food?

Whats that? You don't have a dog? Well, thats exactly the kind of naysaying that symbolizes all the wrong in this world. Shame on you. Suddenly you're too good for discounted dog food, eh? Have you ever thought about the feelings of poor Jim? Jim, whose only solace in his lonely sad life is sending informative messages to YOU. Jim, the guy who spends eight hours every day finding out the best possible way to make your life better. He senses your inner self. He even tells you about 'HORNY ASIAN XXX WOMEN', knowing full well how much you like Asian women with horns. Why would you ignore poor Jim? Why won't you 'CLICK HERE! CLICK HERE NOW!'?

Bah! Intelligent, sane people! All they seem to be saying is "Fuck you, Jim". Damnations. Lemme check my email while I'm posting this....


Aaaaargh! FUCK YOU JIM!

posted by sam | 12/03/2003 11:11:00 PM


Geeks of a Feather

Remember my apprehensions about the Punisher movie? Well, when I saw the new Hellboy movie website, I cried with joy. This kindled in me the sort of curiosity only intense Googling could satiate. And I set out on a quest for truth. A weekend of browsing on comic book movies gave me a lot of useless information, which I shall proceed to distribute amongst you fine, bored people. Geek alert though.
Everybody knows about Doc Ock and Spidey, so I won't waste my breath on that. Neither that nor the Catwoman movie with Halle Berry. But here's the good and the bad news.


Batman:Intimidation. Directed by Christopher Nolan, the guy who directed Memento, and Insomnia. Christian Bale is Batman, and I liked him in Equilibrium. Michael Caine is Alfred Pennyworth. How cool is that?
A separate Elektra movie. Not directed by the original nincompoop. And has the master Stick vs. The Hand story arch. Could be interesting.
A movie on Fantastic Four. Yay! Although still in the scripting stage, I'm excited coz its being written by Chris Columbus, and the guy who wrote Goldeneye, and Hulk. And Susan Storm is Mercedes McNab. Perfect.

Iron Man. Iron Man. Guys who wrote Smallville. Iron Man.
And as if you didn't expect it, Bryan Singer is back with X-Men 3. I think they're gonna concentrate on the Phoenix story, and possibly Wolverine's origin at Weapon-X. New characters rumored to be in X3 include Gambit, Beast, Angel, Psylocke, Emma Frost, Dazzler, Juggernaut and possibly the Sentinels.
And I picked up news that Wolfgang Peterson wants to make a LOBO movie. Most intelligent piece of brain exercise from the guy.


They're making Daredevil 2. I hate Ben Affleck, and I hated the original movie. No Hand, no Stick.
CGI Garfield, starring Bill Murray. I like Garfield, and I like Bill, but this is something that should've been left alone.
There was a Superman Vs. Batman movie, and Wolfgang Peterson was supposed to direct. I even read the script review, and it could've rocked. Now they've cancelled it because it might be too dark. Even if they make it now, I'm not interested. Who wants a Batman with lively shades of yellow?
Superman 5. You know who they chose to direct it? McG. The guy who wouldn't know cinema if it came and hit him in the 'nads. Twice.

There you have it. Of course there's more useless information where that came from(Rex Mundi, Wonder Woman), and you know where to find me.

posted by sam | 12/01/2003 10:50:00 PM

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