[My back, my back.]

You know its been a long time since you posted when pun23 raises from the dead and make posts about Joe Orez, the badass actuary.

Ahem. So apparently, contrary to what you thought, dicks are always surrounded by nice people. beatzo, thyla, and arunjeet have chosen to buy/send me cool things, despite me being, well, me. They rock, and you should read their journals, and always remind me to make sure they're safe when Armageddon comes in about 14 months.

I am going to catch Spider-Man 2 the first day it hits India, and that rocks as well. Of course I'll let you know of my unwanted opinions on it, but I suspect on a scale of one to sauce the movie would be fucking ravioli.

Which is all the more reason for me to treat with cynicism, trepidation, and horror, the travesty that is called Pavitra Prabhakar [read Beelzebub's son.] Consider this part of my post, "mere ko gussa kyon aata hai" part the second. First the names - they sound like some bad Shiv Sena joke about Spider-Man, not to mention reek of unoriginality. If the head honchos at Gotham are chuckling at their own brilliance, I really pity them, and their sense of humor. Second the redone origins (Sadhu baba, if you didn't know) - utter, pure hatred seeps from my very soul at the talentless fucks who decided to write this comic. Not a single trace of originality is visible in sadhu/tantrik/mystic dude 'granting' spider-like powers to a boy. The art, then, in chronological order - isn't so bad. Its been lambasted as mere poster art(which it is), and spitting copies of Romita Jr and Alex Ross artwork (thats a bit iffy, but I can see that too). But if whatzizname Genius Chang something can draw good, coherent sequential art, (no proof yet on either camps), at least it won't be an utter failure. But, BUT the dhoti sucks ass. We hatess it. Nasssty dhoti. Not only does it make as much sense as foreigners wanting to see "Hungry India, Poor India", it also seems highly impractical for an superhero to wear a tight fitting jersey or something on top, and wear a loose flowing cloth for pants.
Some people are very, very opposed to the whole transcreation, Indian translation bit in principle. These are probably the same people, who say, "Yuck! Hindi Movies?!" at the barest mention of catching a flick in their own mother tongue. I would very much like a good Indian superhero comic. And if all your originality peaks at Nagraj, sure go ahead and create an Indian spidey. But make it well. Brian Michael Bendis was given the task of creating a spidey for the new generation of comic book readers, a today hero. Well, Ultimate Spider-Man happens to a triumph, in my books. Since genetic experiments make more headlines than vague radioactive ones, the origin was modified. A school kid as a photographer was a bit tacky, so they made him a web designer at the Bugle. These, and more such choices in all the super funky issues make the new transcreation a thoroughly enjoyable, as well as a very successful franchise. Makda Maanav is meretricious, and you know it.

Still on comics, but away from my object of cynicism - Gotham finally started The Ultimates. By the time they catch up with my reading, though, it will be another year. Along the fun ride that I know you'll have, there is a discussion about which actor would play which Ultimates member in a Hollywood adaptation. Funny, considering the entire series is an experiment in cinematic storytelling in comics. Ironic, really. The funniest part is when Fury contends that he'd like Samuel L Jackson(THE man) to play him. If you look with one eye closed and the other gazing lazily, even then you'd be able to make out that the artists have draw, colored, inked Nick Fury in the image of Sam Jackson. Maybe this is some post modern shit that I can't get (this ain't video games, honey.) Nevertheless, I am of the opinion that Val Kilmer would make a good Captain America, Michael Jai White should play Nick Fury, Johnny Depp should (please) play Tony Stark, Quentin Tarantino as Bruce Banner, and Viggo Mortenson as Thor. There you go, that is what I call a blockbuster. Oh, and Ashton Kutcher should play the dumb civilian who gets squished when the Hulk squats to take a dump. :D

I put in Michael Jai White as Nick Fury instead of Sam only because I prefer Gaiman's interpretation of a hard as nails, muscular Fury from 1602 over the attitude over action one in the Ultimates. Neil Gaiman course being one of my favorite comic book script writers, as well as, uh, authors. I've read a lot of books by him lately, and of them, American Gods is a book that has become so personal, I don't even know or care if you'll like it. I like it, and thats that. Coraline, Stardust, and Good Omens, however, I can recommend with ease and quite a bit of confidence. Books remind me - ! heads up. Bill Bryson's A short History of Nearly Everything is out in paperback. Its been out for some time now(a month, I think), but then its been more than that since my post, eh?

I have also finally converted all of my regular LAN party people to Battlefield 1942. *takes a bow*. The game is frantic, and huge scoops of fun, and all of you who don't play it really should. If you're in India, you can get good pings on Kawabonka, you really must try. The best part of course is Indian players NOT sayin things like, "ur a fagat. fagats dont go to heaven." when you kill them. Ragnarok Online has also started their India servers. Its no World of Warcraft, but its better than nothing. Its free these days, and later the monthly fee is 250 INR. People with sucky PCs have a chance too, now. Go here, and they'll actualy send you a free disk. And you should all start saving your money to upgrade your sorry machines. Doom III cometh.